I’m A Recovering Perfectionist

I wanted to delve a little further into a topic I mentioned in my recent newsletter. If you haven’t already, subscribe here!

“Hi. My name is Courtney, and I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Yesterday, I had what I now recognize as a full-blown relapse.

It started when I innocently searched YouTube “how to make a battery cake” for my child’s 8th birthday.. Two hours later, I was elbows-deep in a spreadsheet comparing flavor combinations and fondant techniques. I told myself it was just a little extra effort. Just to make the day "extra special."

Then it escalated.

I alphabetized my baking cabinet. Voluntarily.
When it came time to decorate the roll, I redid the fondant letters three times because it didn’t “look authentic.”
And then — the real moment I hit rock bottom — I apologized to the cake because the fondant was getting dry. Out loud.

I knew I had relapsed when I stood in the kitchen at 12:43 AM, googling “what temperature do you serve sponge cake to an 8-year-old?”

But I’m back now. I reminded myself: slightly crooked lettering is still tasty cake, and "good enough" is actually... good. So I ate it along with the birthday boy and dyed my mouth with food coloring.

Thanks for letting me share.”

We live in a world with a lot of negativity and doubt, and it's difficult to not let this become our own internal dialogue. I will be lying if I said that I've spent my life being my own cheerleader. Over many years, however I have learned to treat myself better, have more self-respect, and to value even small accomplishments.

I encourage you to pause every once in a while and reflect on your own thoughts and self talk— would you say similar things to a best friend? A mother? Or someone struggling in a difficult health journey?

By no surprise, I have a type A personality! Thanks, Dad! While this has served me well in a career path, it has sometimes been my own worst enemy in other areas of life. I tend to think in all-or-nothing, black-and-white, go-big-or-go-home ways. Over time, I have learned that the 9 out of 10, shades of gray, or small projects are just as important and lead to big accomplishments just as much!! They also come with a lot less anxiety, hahaha!

Over many years, I have done a lot to change my thought processes and be more gracious with and accepting of imperfections. In doing so, I have been happier and more resilient when life hands me obstacles. When I stumbled upon a fitness article recently, it reminded me of this, and I think many others would benefit from hearing this per perspective as well.

I encourage you to look into the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi, which celebrates and recognizes the beauty in something that is incomplete or imperfect. The Wabi aspect refers to simplicity, humility, and has evolved to convey a quiet, simple way of life. The Sabi celebrates the beauty that comes with age, the appreciation for something well worn, and the acceptance of the natural cycle of life.

I’ve sacrificed a lot of joy trying to strive for perfect—perfect grades, perfect career, perfect mother, perfect appearance, etc. etc. I’ve lost more in striving for perfect than I’ve gained in the journey of for achievement.

When it comes to life and health, I have learned to accept imperfection and to aim for progress instead of perfection. For example, many times people strive to embark on a healthier lifestyle and don't allow themselves to have simple, even small failures along the way. I was once in this boat— letting a simple failure ruin the entire day and “throwing” the rest ofit away. The better option is to simply accept the failure, understand that no one is perfect and simply start again in that very moment.

As you examine your own journey, whatever that may be, I encourage you to employ the Wabi Sabi philosophy. Obstacles, side steps, and simple misfortunes, ultimately coallesce and make us who we are, imprinting strength and determination in our character.

Always remember to have grace with yourself, be persistent, and take your next step forward. Own your imperfectionand celenbrate them like the Japanese art of Kintsugi finds beauty in repaired pottery. Cracks are sealed using a gold laquer and instead of hiding the imperfection, it highlights them!

Incessant perfection is impossible, comparison is the thief of joy, and self criticism is the quiet sabotage of self-worth. Be kind to yourself.

Until Next Time,

Dr B

…And yes, the battery cake and picture was real! Hahaha!